A rather sad and disturbing request has popped up on the “Choosing Beggars” forum on Reddit after a woman who would probably be better served asking for a therapist posted an ad looking for a “free donor” on a dating website. You don’t need clarification on what kind of donor she’s referring to after you read that she recently lost her newborn baby.
“I’m a single mom. This makes dating impossible,” the post reads. “My newborn recently passed away. I need a free donor.”
If you can already sense why this is a terrible idea, just wait until you see how weird it gets.
“My preference is Korean, Japanese, or Chinese because my baby who passed was half asian “I’m caucasian). I’ll settle for one who looks just like my other cute kids. Light blonde hair and blue or green eyes. Attractive face is a must.”
Our first question is on whether or not this woman thinks that there are only three countries in the entire continent of Asian or not. But the more forum-pertinent question is why she thinks anyone would want to donate their genetic material to this situation, free or otherwise. The only answer we may be able to offer is that grief makes people do some really weird things.
Obviously, this woman needs to get herself some grief therapy rather than trying to replace the baby she’s grieving. Not only will it never solve her problem, it sets that child up for a miserable life as they sense their mother’s disappointment that they didn’t erase her grief and then later realize/learn that they were only conceived as a replacement for someone else.
Children are far more perceptive than most people give them credit for, so all of that is very likely to happen. That would definitely be the worst consequence, but it would also place both parents in a vulnerable legal position.
Part of the reason why sperm banks exist and cost as much as they do is because they offer legal protections for the donor and the receiver. Without this, the father could try to claim custody of the child or other parental rights at any point, and the mother could demand child support regardless of any prior verbal agreement.
Aside from all that, everything about the post is downright creepy when it’s not deeply sad.
Commenters largely feel bad for this woman even if her attempt at coping is extremely wrong and hope she gets the professional help that she needs. Some people with personal experience in this area are showing how important it is to go through all the therapy necessary before making a decision about having another kid shortly after losing a child.