The other day, a woman on the street told me that my child was cold and needed a hat. There was just utter contempt in her tone that I would be so horrible a mother as to deprive my child of warmth. Meanwhile, my kid had taken off his hat and stuffed it in the stroller. On a totally different day, my husband was holding our baby and a woman came up to him and told him he looked so comfortable and wonderful, what a great father to hold his baby. So, I reassert that people hate moms and anything resembling parenting for a dads is lauded as a triumph.
On Reddit, one dad who is divorced and acrimonious, shares a daughter with his ex-wife. When that daughter got her first period, he did all the things that you’re supposed to do: get her supplies, talk to her, be supportive. Great! But he didn’t tell her mom, and she is upset that he neglected to inform her. Should he have?
“My ex wife works out of town. She works for two weeks and then gets a week off. I used to do that schedule as well but I now work from home as a maintenance planner. When we divorced I got primary custody of our daughter and son since I was the one available to do the parenting.”
“I have very little interest in discussing anything with my ex. Yes there is a lot of bitterness and recrimination in our relationship. I loved my ex with all my heart. And while I always thought she was beautiful, it wasn’t as easy for other people to see. However when you are one of a dozen women in a 2,000 man work camp you get a lot of attention. That’s all I’m going to say about that.”
“My daughter is ten year old and she just got her first period. I grew up with sisters and I am not a complete idiot so I had read up on what to do. I had also talked to my mom and sisters about it. I had been prepared since she was 8. I gave her the boxes of pads and tampons. I explained to her that it was normal and healthy. I watched a video with her that was a tutorial on what to do. I also asked her if she would like to talk to either my sister or the woman I’m seeing about how to do everything right. She said that she understood and would like to talk to my sister on the weekend. After dinner on Saturday my sister talked to me about it. She said that I had gotten the basics correct and there were only a couple of things she needed to explain or correct.”
“My ex called to talk to the kids yesterday and afterwards yelled at me on the phone. She called me an a**hole for excluding her from a milestone in her daughter’s life. I asked her if it had happened during her week with the kids if she would have told me about it. She said that wasn’t the point. It was a mother daughter thing and that I took it away from her. I said it was a parent kid medical issue and that made it a me thing. I am a man so maybe I just don’t get it.”
Good job on helping your daughter! But yeah, you should have told your daughter’s mom. Redditors kind of forgot that was the question, though — they were so floored that a man actually knew how to engage with his daughter about her period, which to be honest is very sad. The bar is so low.
“NTA. You handled the situation very well and managed to teach your daughter everything she needed to know, as well as redirecting her to people who could also advise her. I don’t see the need for you to have immediately gone to tell your ex about her first period, especially considering that it was already happening, although it might have been nice if you told her after you figured it out. Anyway, well done.” —
PorQueMeHacenEsto
“I absolutely dearest the idea that this should only be a mother/daughter activity, that tampons/pads should be hidden so the boys won’t see, refusing to let Dads be a part of the discussion (as long as the child is comfortable), etc. We need to normalize periods; they’re a part of life that’s absolutely unavoidable. My dad would take me for supplies (including chocolate!) and I felt no shame in letting him know if I happened to be on my period or was experiencing terrible cramping. I felt supported and safe through the process, and he was actually a LOT better than my mom. Girls deserve to have support and not be made to feel like lepers. Parents shielding their boys from this like some dirty little secret are setting their kids up for failure. Should the boy happen to be straight, he will ABSOLUTELY be dealing with this in the future, and it’s mom and dad’s responsibility to teach him it’s normal and how to support the women in their lives. Similarly, having a period is hard enough without being made to feel shame at a natural bodily function. Great job, Dad! NTA at all.” —
RogueSlytherin
“The only issue I have is that he offered his sister and gf as female sources of support and didn’t suggest his ex. Yes, I’m sure his daughter could’ve asked to speak to mom, but kids pick up on these things and if it seems dad is uncomfortable with mom then daughter might not feel comfortable asking to speak to mom on his weeks so as not to rock the boat.” —
ausernamebyany_other
“ESH (you & ex). I’m glad you had educated yourself in preparation for this event. Sounds like you did a good job with it. As a co-parent, you have an obligation to inform the other parent about things like this. Don’t leave it on your daughter to have to tell her mom. It’s not her responsibility to be the go-between just because you don’t like talking to ex. Ex needs to be able to make sure she has age-appropriate products available at her place. Your statement that it was a parent kid medical issue and therefore a you thing is leaving out that ex is ALSO a parent. She has the right to be included in medical things. One would hope that if it had happened at your ex’s place that yes, she would have told you: so that you could have age-appropriate products available at your place, and also so that your daughter doesn’t have to be the go-between. So ex is an AH for not saying that (‘it’s beside the point?’ No. it IS the point) Like her or not, you and ex are co-parents. CO. That means that it is on YOU to share information the other parent should have. Anything involving a medical issue (and yes, starting menstruation is a medical issue) is REQUIRED to be shared with the other parent. So suck it up and CO-PARENT.” —
Logical_Block1507
“I was starting to think I was the only one that picked up on this. OP’s remarks about being the ‘only woman’ in some sort of male ‘working camp,’ followed by him suggesting their daughter talk to his sister or girlfriend, threw up all sorts of red flags to me. I can’t help but wonder if the daughter would have preferred to talk to mom, but is afraid to do so because of how dad may react. The fact that he didn’t offer mom as an option makes me wonder if he low-key discourages their daughter to contact her during his parenting time.” —
3YearsinJapan
