Donald Trump Gets Graphic About FBI Agent Affair And Mimes Their Sex Life And Yes, It’s Gross

Donald Trump is currently under investigation for his attempt to pressure the Ukrainian president into giving him dirt on Joe Biden. The phone call he made to Volodymyr Zelensky set off impeachment investigations and the impeachment investigations set off a number of Trump meltdowns. On Twitter, Trump seems very stressed out. But there is still one place he can go and really let his hair down. Figuratively, not literally. If he really let his hair down it would fall on the floor.

At a campaign event Thursday night in Minneapolis, Trump was in his element. He loves a rally or any huge group of people who adore him and applaud his every move. It was the perfect time to pull out a little routine he’s been working on, a couple minutes on FBI agents Peter Strozk and Lisa Page. Strozk was one of the agents assigned to the Russia probe, who was removed form the investigation for sending anti-Trump texts. Trump has now cooked up a whole scenario in which the FBI planted evidence against him, and these two agents planned it while boinking.

At least that’s what’s implied in this clip highlighted by journalist Yashar Ali:

“Do you remember that just 19 minutes after I raised my hand and took the oath of office, ‘The Washington Post,’ a terrible newspaper, that doesn’t know how to write the truth published a story and in this case, they might have gotten it pretty correct,” Trump says, in the full video. “They said the campaign to impeach President Trump has begun. That was the headline. Little did we know they weren’t playing games. Think of that. That was 19 minutes after the oath of office.”

He continues:

“Remember he and his lover, Lisa Page. What a group. ‘She’s [Hillary Clinton] going to win 10,000,000-1. She’s going to win I’m telling you, Peter. I’m telling you, Peter, she’s going to win. Oh, I love you so much,'” he says, imitating Page.

This is sort of where the clip starts, but reading the bare lines does not begin to explain the horror of hearing Trump say them. He kind of does a breathy, rhythmic vocal thing, implying Strzok and Page are fornicating and it’s horrible.

“‘I love you too, Lisa. Lisa, I love you. Lisa! Lisa! Oh God, I love you Lisa. If she doesn’t win, Lisa, we’ve got an insurance policy, Lisa. We’ll get that son of a bitch out.'”

Help, I can’t unhear it.

It’s funny that Trump is making up an entire conversation, since that’s exactly what he got made at Rep. Adam Schiff about, claiming the whole Ukraine convo was fabricated:

Trump likes to accuse everyone else of what he’s doing. Very graphically.