Anytime anyone tries to offer medical help without a) being asked or b) being your doctor, that person’s very possibly going to walk into jerk territory themselves. So your RESPONSE to that, no matter how measured, is already up against a crummy situation.
Redditor u/fidnn189 recently shared a story on Reddit’s AITA sub about how she shut down a girl’s eating disorder “diagnosis” of u/fidnn189.
OP explains that she lost her left leg long ago. She uses a prosthetic leg now and it’s very costly to continuously get adjustments for body weight changes. Ergo, she works hard to stay the same weight.
I lost my left leg when I was very young from a hospital acquired infection. I have a prosthetic leg which I use for walking and another one for running and exercise. When I was on my parents health insurance growing up I got refitted regularly as I grew up. Now I’m too old to be on my parents insurance and while my company’s insurance is considered very good, getting a new leg or getting adjustments for body weight changes are still expensive. I expect to be paying a fortune if I get pregnant.
OP also explains she can tell quickly if she gains: walking becomes less comfortable.
So I try my best to stay the same weight and if I gain some weight I can immediately feel it becoming less comfortable to walk.
At dinner one evening, a girlfriend of a friend began commenting on OP’s eating habits (oh boy).
Anyway a friend’s gf and I were talking and she began remarking on how I’m not eating much. We were out to dinner and I just was having a soup and salad and everyone else was having baby back ribs. I’d stolen a few of my bf’s plate but generally I was trying to eat light.
OP said she was trying to lose a few and quickly got the “you don’t need to”. When OP explained about her mobility, the girlfriend thought OP was dealing with body dysmorphia.
I said I was trying to lose a few pounds and she immediately assured me I was beautiful the way I was and I didn’t need to lose weight. I told her I know I am but losing weight helps with my mobility. She began “diagnosing” me with an eating disorder. Saying I must have a delusion I was very heavy and having issues walking.
OP got angry and snapped at the girlfriend, who was really mortified. Her boyfriend suggested explaining the situation, but OP felt it wasn’t necessary to get this girl to shut up.
I was pissed and she sounded super condescending and blurted out she had no business talking down to me about my weight even if it was to tell me not to change it. The other people overheard and the gf got really embarrassed and left with my friend soon after. My bf thinks I should have explained why I need to keep my weight the same but I don’t think I should have to pull out my disability to get her to shut up.
OP admits that it’s hard to tell if she wears long pants and isn’t sure if the girlfriend knew; so now she wants to know if she was wrong to shut this down.
With long loose pants it’s often hard to tell I have a prosthetic leg. I don’t know if she knew but I didn’t feel like justifying why my weight needed to stay the same. But AITA for shutting down her attempts to diagnose me with an eating disorder?
I think my verdict runs somewhere in the middle: women reassuring other women of their weight and appearance is SO common. It would have been kinder and more gracious to be a bit more gentle.
That said, it’s not okay to diagnose people with dreamed up problems.
Reddit, rather predictably, hated the diagnosing friend:
“NTA. People really need to stop commenting on each other’s bodies, and “diagnosing” issues that aren’t there, and won’t listen to reason. I was taunted and teased and questioned for anorexia for a number of years, even though I had been underweight my entire childhood no matter what I ate. It was just my body type. You have a legitimate reason for minding your weight, and it was extremely rude for your friend’s gf to dig in so deep when she had no idea what she was talking about. I could see explaining more if she acted with any polite curiosity to what mobility issues you had or something, but to imply you’re having delusions — nope nope nope. She deserved to be shut down however you most felt comfortable doing so,” wrote one user.
Another said, “NTA. Bringing up a potential eating disorder in casual dinner conversation is rude as hell and she should be embarrassed about it.”
