Man’s Rant About How To Make “Exciting” Salads Is Full Of Good Advice

Twitter is a place you can expect to find hot takes and strong opinions about just anything. but they rarely make your life better. Hot takes usually make the world demonstrably worse, as everyone furiously argues with one another over which of the Teletubbies was most likely to be a war criminal or something. That might be why the Internet turns up en masse to celebrate Twitter takes that actual add some value to the world, like this one from writer and TV producer Elan Gale.

Gale started a thread about making salads that seemed to light Twitter on fire. It seemed to come from a deep place inside him, like he’d been holding onto these ideas for a long time and they finally just exploded out. Maybe he saw one too many posts about how much salad sucks. Maybe he ate one too many sucky salads. Whatever the reason, he started off his viral thread by saying, “I’ve got some NEWS for you people about WHY your salads are dull and flavorless. Are you ready for some NEWS???”

When it’s put like that… I don’t think I am. But Gale was delivering the news anyway.

He continued, “You’re forgetting to SEASON your ingredients, acting like the DRESSING is all that matters. Cucumbers and tomatoes need SALT and PEPPER. Avocados need CITRUS. Act as if you were going to eat each ingredient individually.”

Um, don’t tell me how to act with my salad, guy.

“You’re using BORING lettuces,” he accused. “MIX IT THE FUCK UP. Use some arugula, use field greens, use romaine hearts, use frisée. Mix all your greens together!”

He went on to say everyone is using flavorless cheese and their dressings aren’t zesty enough. The nerve!

He suggested people start adding outlandish ingredients like horseradish, mustard, honey, and fish sauce. The man is mad! Mad for salad!

“Your salad is only going to be as boring as you allow it to be,” he concluded. “EXCITING SALADS 2020. THIS IS YOUR YEAR. END VERY IMPORTANT THREAD.”

Gale’s tone really got across to everyone. Lots of people commented on things they’re learned, for instance that spices can go bad. They also weighed in with their own tips, making this conversation more informative than a cookbook:

I do love salads and also do agree with Gale’s opinions. But I like my takes like I like my salad: cold.