Every June in the U.S., people come together from across the country to laugh at the three straight cisgender guys who insist on holding a sad “straight pride” parade. This year, the three dudes are in Boston and have officially filed for a march permit, which the city is reluctantly granting after they threatened a discrimination suit.
In response, everyone who is anyone is jumping on the pro-gay meme bandwagon to dunk on the idea.
This includes the entire band Smash Mouth, who had a very straightforward message for straight pride.
Straight Pride Parade????? FUCK OFF!!!!!!!!
— Smash Mouth (@smashmouth) June 4, 2019
If Smash Mouth isn’t a straight enough band for you, the bassist for Blink-182 has promised to auction off his bass guitar in celebration of the absurdity of the idea of straight pride.
To celebrate how utterly ridiculous a Straight Pride parade is, I’m going to auction off one of my basses, match the final bid dollar-for-dollar, and donate all the money to the @TrevorProject. ????️????
— mark hoppus (@markhoppus) June 5, 2019
Even AXE body spray is solidly NOT into the idea of being a sponsor of a straight pride parade.
Plus, Chris Evans, also known as the official Captain America (in real life as well as the movies), has promoted a more serious but very important message about the importance of LGBT+ Pride and why the idea of straight pride is not only nonsense but offensive and harmful.
Wow, the number gay/straight pride parade false equivalencies are disappointing. For those who don’t understand the difference, see below. Instead of going immediately to anger(which is actually just fear of what you don’t understand)take a moment to search for empathy and growth https://t.co/e98K0Z150T
— Chris Evans (@ChrisEvans) June 5, 2019
The lead organizer of the Boston Straight Pride Parade, Mark Sahady, is accused of being a white supremacist who is really just organizing another MAGA rally, as he has done before.
That is, if he can withstand the onslaught of jokes about what a straight pride parade would look like, including from Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.
1.
Will “Straight Pride” be a Freaky Friday type situation where all of our history books, movies, stories, media, news, etc feature mostly LGBTQ+ people & perspectives?
Will people have to come out as straight?
What would folks march in? Socks w/ sandals on? Dad jeans? https://t.co/7SUiWHWRMd
— Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (@AOC) June 5, 2019
2.
disgusting…..what am i supposed to say to my kids when they see a couple, covered head-to-toe in celtics gear, miming the missionary position https://t.co/poH5njbSRB
— matt (@Lubchansky) June 4, 2019
3.
me explaining to my boyfriend why we’re going to straight pride pic.twitter.com/ZtXpLaV05s
— Eva Victor (@evavictor) June 4, 2019
4.
https://twitter.com/toniblogs/status/1136008986245914626
5.
https://twitter.com/wwwwvvvvwwwww/status/1136012828056465408
6.
wow the straight pride month even has official corporate pride merch https://t.co/pXDNrsgYtn
— Klaudia Amenábar (@kaludiasays) June 5, 2019
7.
If the straight pride parade doesn't have entire floats celebrating their one creative invention – fake queer porn where all the fake lesbians are attempting to give each other hysterectomies with their long, bejeweled nails – is it really straight pride?
— Ijeoma Oluo (@IjeomaOluo) June 5, 2019
8.
I’m confused I thought they already had straight pride isn’t that what coachella is?
— Elise Bauman (@baumanelise) June 5, 2019
9.
Straight pride parade floats based on cishet dudes’ Tinder pics:
-a guy posing for a selfie with a fish
-a close up of a dude’s neck
-motor vehicles
-group settings with more attractive men
-SPORTS!!!!!!!— Katelyn Burns (@transscribe) June 5, 2019
10.
https://twitter.com/middleageriot/status/1136233635802206208
11.
What color khakis are we wearing to the straight pride parade? I was gonna go beige but I have an old navy gift card so I am also open to warm beige or light tan
— monica vasandani (@monicavas) June 5, 2019
12.
https://twitter.com/KentingtonC/status/1136285254753357826
13.
“the straight pride parade will be the biggest crossover event in history: the largest gathering of virgins AND people who exclusively have missionary sex with the lights off that the world has ever seen”
— craig reynolds (@reynlord) June 5, 2019
14.
the straight pride parade in boston should have a completely straight parade route, i thought i'd save them some time by drawing one pic.twitter.com/afbUi8mtnu
— χρίστος (@failnaut) June 4, 2019
15.
The straight pride parade will be mostly men because very few women will get to come.
— The Volatile Mermaid (@OhNoSheTwitnt) June 4, 2019
16.
why do straight people think they need a straight pride parade
netflix is already paying $100 million to keep friends on, isn't that enough
— kylie ???? ACAB (@skunkgender) June 4, 2019
17.
A more accurate name for the Straight Pride Parade would be Incelebration.
— Adam Best (@adamcbest) June 4, 2019
18.
Each float in the straight pride parade is 10 guys explaining a different Coen brothers movie to you.
— Louis Virtel (@louisvirtel) June 5, 2019
19.
i'm totally fine with Boston having a Straight Pride parade, provided:
1) LGBTQIA+ people can attend & be oblivious to straightness & treat it like a random party event
2) there's a mock protester brigade with bullhorns, yelling how all straight people are going to burn in hell
— ???? ???????????????????????????????????????????? ???? (@spacecrafff) June 4, 2019
20.
Jared Kushner is what happens when a straight pride parade becomes a real boy. pic.twitter.com/YYqjGvTFin
— Marie Connor (@thistallawkgirl) June 3, 2019
21.
https://twitter.com/TimRossComedy/status/1135523224220053504
22.
I’d imagine a straight pride parade to be something like this but in the worst way? pic.twitter.com/j3Kal4ueOq
— libby (@1ibby) June 4, 2019
23.
The Boston Straight Pride Parade pic.twitter.com/5OuFucYHJg
— Democracy Enjoyer (@LeBronMaclean) June 4, 2019
24.
if the straight pride parade happens, I might actually stand a chance on Xbox Live for a couple of hours
— Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious) June 5, 2019
25.
https://twitter.com/SPDRMND/status/1136289268425322498
It’s not a happy parade when everyone hates you. But that’s what the first LGBT+ Pride Parade was all about, so, enjoy!
