If you believe in a supreme deity, which we’ll call God, you have to admit “He’s” made some weird choices. For example innocent people get deadly diseases and the platypus exists. Luckily the absurdity of life on Earth is not just the source of all pain, it’s also the source of all that is funny. As the following tweets make hilariously clear, if this God fella really does exist, and really did create the universe, he was either blind drunk or he’s a bit of a d*ck.
Let there be tweets!
[God creating spiders]— matt (@dogfather) June 18, 2016
"Make it have 8 legs"
Seems excessive but ok
"And 8 eyes"
You need to calm down a li-
"Give it a butt rope"
[god creating jellyfish]— dr boyfriend, m.d. (@pentyfuma) December 26, 2015
how bout an evil bag
[Biblical Times]— spacegirl incognito (@iamspacegirl) October 24, 2018
God: oh shit
God: I just realized I've been leaning on the frog button
GOD: my latest creation will have the body of an ape, the voice box of a parrot, the skin of a pig, and the intelligence of a dolphin. I call it Human, and it will destroy everything else I've made— wwwdmmmffnn (@woodmuffin) January 27, 2019
ANGELS: [confused applause]
[god drunk, inventing hedgehog]— beth, an alien (@bourgeoisalien) April 5, 2016
so cute but u can't cuddle it cuz, prickly quills or whatever, hahaha
[passes out] pic.twitter.com/h1o4Tn4Z65
God: you’re gonna be beautiful your whole life.— Oops!...I Dad It Again (@NewDadNotes) December 21, 2018
Butterfly: yeah I better be.
God: [to Angel] I don’t like his attitude make him an ugly hairy worm for half his life.
[God creating the ocean]— dr boyfriend, m.d. (@pentyfuma) June 8, 2015
GOD: Just put water friggin everywhere.
ANGEL: Nice, that way if they’re thirsty, they—
GOD: Make it undrinkable.
GOD: 8— Jon (@ArfMeasures) June 4, 2018
GOD: We shouldn't do this drunk
ANGEL: 10 lol
ANGEL *mouthful of pizza* 25
CENTIPEDE: *tearing up* stop giving me legs, I look stupid
GOD: ONE HUNDRED LOL
[god creating seahorses]— Terry F (@daemonic3) September 17, 2015
Give them a horse's head
Gills & tiny baby fins
Males give birth
Angel: whoa wtf dude
[God creating mosquitoes]— elizabeth (@Elizasoul80) January 3, 2016
"I wonder how I could get everyone to spray chemicals on themselves and also slap their own faces."