The Twitter account “Christian Nightmares” posted a photo of a young woman in a shirt that says “Spoiler Alert… Jesus Wasn’t Vaccinated” today and the jokes are pouring in. It’s unclear who the woman is or if she’s wearing the shirt seriously or ironically, but regardless, the shirt exists and anti-vaxxers are out of control.
— Christian Nightmares (@ChristnNitemare) July 31, 2019
There are so many things wrong with this that it’s difficult to know where to get started. Jesus did die young, but also he was supposed to die, and if he had been vaccinated there would have been less of a chance of him dying as a child before he was supposed to. Then again, Jesus wasn’t really young for the time, people died in their 30s back then all the time, in part because medical science wasn’t a thing at all around the year 0.
Christian Nightmares, by the by, has been named by Buzzfeed as “the best place on the Internet to find creepy Christian sh*t,” and clearly they are not wrong.
I tried and was unable to locate this particular shirt anywhere, so it’s possible that the woman in the photo made it herself. However, there are plenty of shirts available that appear to be unironically expressing the same message, so humanity is definitely screwed.
But at least we have jokes!
Neither was Satan
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) July 31, 2019
Probably from Tetanus.
— dbstence (@deaconredux) July 31, 2019
Spoiler alert: infant mortality rate was nearly 50% and life expectancy was 30-40 years.
— Stephen Tures (@stevetures) July 31, 2019
Also wasn’t inseminated
— @ a straight snake 9️⃣ (@BillyJoelEmbiid) July 31, 2019
Spoiler alert… Jesus didn’t wear t shirts or have poorly bleached hair
— Participation Trophy Wife (@a_cays) July 31, 2019
The resulting illness he ended up getting, though, made him feverishly hallucinate that he was the Son of God.
— Shawn Carlow (@shawncarlow) July 31, 2019
Jesus also didn’t post dumb shit on Twitter
— skyrrr skyrrr (@Tomledufromage) July 31, 2019
Technically, per Pauline Christian theology, Jesus was like a vaccination God delivered to the earth for Man’s sin, but Okay.
— CypressButane (@ConverterSaul) July 31, 2019
He wasn’t WHITE either… pic.twitter.com/C1pb6aPpWb
— Emoji-GIF-Memes-Responses (@sonofthechief) July 31, 2019
Ding ding dipshit people died from simple stuff back then that we now have vaccines for. pic.twitter.com/NmiVUqbsLU
— Godless Engineer™ (@GodlessEngineer) July 31, 2019
Why would the son of god need a vaccine? If he can get sick he’s not much of a god…
— Allan from HR (@AllanUnicornCat) July 31, 2019
Spoiler alert she wasn’t educated
— Subliminal Messenger (@DysonCockburn) July 31, 2019
And look where that got Him. Dead at 33 cuz His dad fucked him up. Coincidence? I think not.
— GodfreyLib (@LibGodfrey) July 31, 2019
Gawwwaduh must have vaccinated Jeezusah before he went to Earth because it would have been embarrassing for his story to have ended with polio. lol
— Modern Gadfly ????⚛ (@AtaraxianGadfly) July 31, 2019
So she’s admitting that not all things are possibly through god.
— H????????sier Atheist (@GodlessMikey) July 31, 2019
Jesus also didn’t appear in photos.
— suᴉʞdɯᴉS pɹɐɥɔᴉR (@icowrich) July 31, 2019
Dude needed a vaccine against getting nailed to a block of wood.
— Sean O Coisdealbha (@SeanCostello49) July 31, 2019
Too soon, dude. Too soon.