An entry on the “Am I the A–hole” forum on Reddit presents yet another issue of culture clash within a relationship after a man and his girlfriend were invited to his cousin’s pool party. It wasn’t the first time that the OP’s girlfriend would meet his parents, but they were all still getting to know each other, and it sounds like it was the first time that those cultural differences were tested within their relationship.
The Redditor explains that his family is Muslim, and although he said he’s not very religious himself, it sounds like there was still an expectation of “modesty” for women within the family. His girlfriend, meanwhile, is a white woman who didn’t take it well when asked to modify what she wears for the sake of others.
“Now my gf does like wearing a bit short clothing when out and about, which used to bother me at first and made me uncomfortable and we did have a few minor fights over it, but eventually I came to terms with it,” the OP wrote.
“However, recently an embarrassing situation happened. There was a pool party at my cousin’s house, and my parents were there too. I had recently introduced my gf to my parents as well, so this was a good time for to meet family and relatives. I specifically told her to please pack something more on the modest side, as my family would be there (and most women usually don’t wear such revealing stuff in our culture). She didn’t give much of a response and just nodded.”
The lack of clear response from his girlfriend was probably a bad sign that he should have recognized, especially considering the fact that the subject had caused conflict in the past. Unfortunately for the both of them, it seems that she failed to communicate how she really felt and decided to show up in a swimsuit that was likely never going to be modest enough for the family.
“But what did I see in the pool? Her wearing a two piece bikini (with kinda cheeky bottoms too)!” the Reddit user continued. “Even one piece would’ve been more better, but nah she went all in this time! She was probably the one the dressed most immodestly.”
“No one said anything but afterwards, I was so embarrassed I couldn’t show my face to my parents and all.”
After the party, it sounds like the OP didn’t handle the situation well when he confronted his girlfriend about it, and she let him know what her true policy is on the way she dresses.
“I did talk to her about it and scolded her a bit, and she told me ‘She can wear whatever the hell she wants, whenever she wants.'”
She’s right, of course, but the two of them may need to sit down and talk about whether their relationship really does have a future if they can’t reconcile their values. The OP was ultimately voted to be the a–hole here by those who hated that he “scolded” her and said he was “not letting” her wear a bikini in the headline, which comes off as controlling behavior.
Some felt that she was also in the wrong for not respecting his family’s cultures, but a lot of people also asked why he would date someone if he found the way she dressed to be unacceptable? Perhaps it’s time for people to stop trying to change each other and date people who are suited for them in the first place.