Comedian Pens Thread On Grief And Learning To Talk About His Son’s Death

Comedian Michael Cruz Kayne shared some extremely powerful personal feelings to Twitter the other day when he tackled the immense topic of grief.

Ten years ago, Kayne lost his infant son. And ten years ago, he learned that speaking openly about his deep and complicated grief would not be easily understood by people who generally want to “tip-toe” around and send “cards with calligraphy on them.” So, true, huh?

In general, society tends to shut down or get weird when it comes to the mention of grief. We find it uncomfortable, and so people tend to grieve privately without having a way to express the immensity of the loss and all the facets around it. And we force one another to go back to work or socializing, expecting one another to get back to being the ‘regular’ pre-death people we were before. But we never return to normal because grief changes us.

In a book, The Other Side of Grief, grief is “hidden in the nooks of your house for you to unexpectedly stumble upon, and becomes a part of you forever.”

So when Kayne took to Twitter to discuss his loss — and the complex, weird, and sometimes indescribable grief that came along with it — it’s like he gave voice to what so many of us have felt but couldn’t describe.

In the 14 tweets that follow, Kayne describes the fact that he’s had to hide his feelings in the shadows, as people generally don’t understand the multifaceted nature of grief. Instead, people just get weird and send cards.

He then goes on to describe, viscerally and unapologetically, the many emotions of grief — from anger to the comedic.

It may be hard to read some of the below tweets, just so you know. They’re pretty graphic, and they’re complex.

He even mentions raising his other child in a household where death is openly discussed, where the children write letters to their lost brother.

While every culture, individual and family is going to treat death and dying differently, plenty of support resources suggest talking openly about death. Because sometimes speaking your feelings allowed helps you process them.

Kayne says that, simply, sadness seems to be the only thing people understand about grief and loss.

The fullness of grief, as Kayne says, is often lost on most of us — and maybe we can be better about that, somehow? Maybe the key is to make space for people to talk about all of it. The fact that so many people — 233,000 people exactly — responded to the thread, says that many of us are ready to do just that.