A report published today by MEL Magazine, a publication dedicated to the lives and struggles of men, details a growing movement to stop masturbating all day every day. The article profiles men like “Sam” who routinely masturbate at work, at friends’ houses, and sometimes in public parks, and can’t seem to stop. Some have found a solution in chastity cages for penises, which used to be a device exclusive to the BDSM community before the scourge of online porn and masturbation addiction.
https://twitter.com/HKesvani/status/1141323965958361089
“‘I was mainly worried about whether it would hurt,'” Sam says in the opening line of the report.
For Sam, chronic masturbation has ruined at least one of his relationships. However, he has found a sympathetic community in the “NoFappers” movement, which includes a NoFap subreddit and is full of cisgender men dedicating themselves to abstaining from masturbation entirely. There are also apparently “hundreds of YouTube videos” providing advice on how to reach a state of abstinence. One common step is to install software that blocks all porn from the internet, which has some fairly predictable results.
“By the time I filtered every site, the only places I had access to were BBC News and Wikipedia,” said Sam.
Unfortunately, men also need to pee. Sam’s decision to wear a chastity cage means that he cannot eat or drink at work. He only takes it off for 90 minutes per day so that he can “bathe, urinate and clean the cage.”
Thankfully, the owner of Chastity Cages Co doesn’t mind how his products are being used, as long as they’re helping. “Chastity cages aren’t designed for a specific thing — they can be used for whatever you want,” he says. Wonderful.
Sam reports that the chastity cage has improved his life. It has also likely improved the lives of his friends and coworkers.
Meanwhile, everyday Twitter users are regretting their newfound knowledge.
Move along. Nothing to see here. Everything is fine. https://t.co/Kvy0odqouY
— Didn't boo Santa-Doug Pederson hate account (@Fakephillyphan) June 19, 2019
Please understand, it's not that I dislike heterosexuals, I just don't think they lead the kind of lifestyles that mean they can be around kids. https://t.co/8LP77WujLi
— It's John! (@odd_really) June 19, 2019
It's too early on the east coast for this ???? pic.twitter.com/ncH0CffNZ7
— Mashaal Mir (@MashaalMir) June 19, 2019
hey man cool story can you change the fucking thumbnail
— Jules Darmanin (@JulesDrmnn) June 19, 2019
https://twitter.com/spilllah/status/1141339599895244800
https://twitter.com/pplwhocantpark/status/1141393098179846144
I would immediately be in fear of the day I need an ambulance and they have to cut open my pants
— Chris K (@clkerst) June 19, 2019
https://twitter.com/MyNameIsGriffon/status/1141395821860151297
https://twitter.com/trurocabbie/status/1141337724911312897
https://twitter.com/cjwright79/status/1141355084015493120
Others have questions, or even some helpful advice.
Hmm, are they TSA approved?, ✈ https://t.co/8vhRc1YLoO
— ????Bo Abrahamsen ???? (@Dr_BoAbrahamsen) June 19, 2019
Voltaren for the arm pain is cheaper https://t.co/ebObyJuXVd pic.twitter.com/Fb64pE3L5Q
— 100% SALOIO (@O_Saloio) June 19, 2019
So if someone loses the key, they have to have a locksmith come and unlock the chastity cage around someone’s dick? Oh dear https://t.co/ffbujpRJkg
— Ali Ahsan (@AliAirajAhsan) June 19, 2019
https://twitter.com/4e_42/status/1141404001344376834
https://twitter.com/MikelleStreet/status/1141346705356595200
Feel like you've maybe buried the lede a bit with this 'no pee' thing.
— Tom Whyman (@HealthUntoDeath) June 19, 2019
And, of course, the jokes.
https://twitter.com/meta_content/status/1141393703208148993
https://twitter.com/BIG_BOOBS_PIGGO/status/1141394529347616769
— Trizzy Gillespie #BLM (@BlackXList) June 19, 2019
@ProudBoysUS https://t.co/knShBnGSkA
— Roboito's Holy Ghost (@Roboito) June 19, 2019
As though Proud Boys would ever stop masturbating.
