A report published today by MEL Magazine, a publication dedicated to the lives and struggles of men, details a growing movement to stop masturbating all day every day. The article profiles men like “Sam” who routinely masturbate at work, at friends’ houses, and sometimes in public parks, and can’t seem to stop. Some have found a solution in chastity cages for penises, which used to be a device exclusive to the BDSM community before the scourge of online porn and masturbation addiction.

https://twitter.com/HKesvani/status/1141323965958361089

“‘I was mainly worried about whether it would hurt,'” Sam says in the opening line of the report.

For Sam, chronic masturbation has ruined at least one of his relationships. However, he has found a sympathetic community in the “NoFappers” movement, which includes a NoFap subreddit and is full of cisgender men dedicating themselves to abstaining from masturbation entirely. There are also apparently “hundreds of YouTube videos” providing advice on how to reach a state of abstinence. One common step is to install software that blocks all porn from the internet, which has some fairly predictable results.

“By the time I filtered every site, the only places I had access to were BBC News and Wikipedia,” said Sam.

Unfortunately, men also need to pee. Sam’s decision to wear a chastity cage means that he cannot eat or drink at work. He only takes it off for 90 minutes per day so that he can “bathe, urinate and clean the cage.”

Thankfully, the owner of Chastity Cages Co doesn’t mind how his products are being used, as long as they’re helping. “Chastity cages aren’t designed for a specific thing — they can be used for whatever you want,” he says. Wonderful.

Sam reports that the chastity cage has improved his life. It has also likely improved the lives of his friends and coworkers.

Meanwhile, everyday Twitter users are regretting their newfound knowledge.

https://twitter.com/spilllah/status/1141339599895244800

https://twitter.com/pplwhocantpark/status/1141393098179846144

https://twitter.com/MyNameIsGriffon/status/1141395821860151297

https://twitter.com/trurocabbie/status/1141337724911312897

https://twitter.com/cjwright79/status/1141355084015493120

Others have questions, or even some helpful advice.

https://twitter.com/4e_42/status/1141404001344376834

https://twitter.com/MikelleStreet/status/1141346705356595200

And, of course, the jokes.

https://twitter.com/meta_content/status/1141393703208148993

https://twitter.com/BIG_BOOBS_PIGGO/status/1141394529347616769

As though Proud Boys would ever stop masturbating.

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*First Published: June 19, 2019, 10:19 am