Sometimes, you’re just out there trying to be a good person and it feels like nothing you do is ever enough. u/darlingdearr recently asked Reddit if he was a jerk “for cooking food while my roommate’s girlfriend was here & offering her some” and I cannot believe this is a real question.
IDK, maybe his full story below will give me a more rounded picture of the situation.
OP explains that he’s a southerner and cooks southern food.
I(21m) am from the south. I grew up in New Orleans and Texas. My mom runs a catering business and the majority of clients were either at home in Louisiana or in Texas. I add this to say that I grew up cooking and helping my mom cook for the business. I was frying chicken and catfish when I could reach the stove and making gumbo and buttermilk biscuits at a very young. I’m currently in culinary school right now.
He and his roommate live together and aren’t buds but they get along fine. OP seems to think that because he’s southern he makes friends easily, but sure. They’re friendly.
I’ve lived in a rented house on the east coast with my roommate(22m) for a year and a half. He’s not a friend or anything. We just linked up because we both needed roommates in the area. He’s good to live with and we watch shows and movies together. We hang out and go out for drinks sometimes. I always make friends easy because of being from the south and doing customer service related things since I was a kid. I know how to talk and charm and listen to folk despite being naturally more in the introverted spectrum.
The roommate has had a girlfriend for the last six months, but OP doesn’t interact with her much. During a recent break from school, the girlfriend basically stayed over the entire time.
My roommate has been seeing his girlfriend(20m) for like 6 months. I’ve met her before and seen her in passing. Roommate and his gf had a 2 week break from school things. She still lives at her parents so she decided to stay here the whole two weeks. I was just doing things as I would normally do.
Things got a little odd when OP went to mow the lawn only to hear the roommate wanted to mow it. Later, OP offered to wash their cars and they said no. Again, why are you worried here?
It got weird at first when I was about to go mow the lawn and the roommate stopped me and said he wanted to mow (I usually always mow.) A couple of days later I was outside washing my car. I asked both of them if they wanted me to do theirs. She looked like she was going to agree but he looked at her angrily so they declined.
Then OP made food that the girlfriend specifically mentioned liking. When OP offered it up, the roommate got mad at OP because apparently the girlfriend has been raving about OP’s cooking.
I cook pretty frequently at home as well and usually let my roommate have some. So any time I’d make some I would say that they could have some and this would get him pissed. Weeks prior when she was here and we were all talking. She mentioned this specific kind of cheesecake that she really likes. So I made and sent out a group text that everyone could have it. My roommate got upset. I don’t see anything as overstepping a boundary as this is how I treat him and all guests. The other day he told me how annoying it was to hear his gf talk about “how good your roommate can fresh baked bread is.” I’m not trying to make him look bad or anything. This is simply how i was raised. If I bake two loaves of bread I’m gonna leave it out for the house to eat.
So it sounds like there’s some jealousy going on with the roommate/boyfriend, and OP is kind of doubling down instead of gracefully retreating. His edits make it clear that he’s not willing or able to do so.
EDIT- The cheesecake is just common courtesy type thing to me. When his parents come over i make pound cake because they like it. If a guest is coming you get/make what they like. Nothing odd about picking up their favorite chips or making some tea when guests arrive. Just how I was raised
EDIT- Wow this has blown up. Just want to say we generally have a good roommate relationship. We’re not best friends but it’s friendly enough. The only change has been when his gf is here. So lol no I am not looking to for new roommates/to be adopted/or to move but thanks. Here is some more things that upset him.
I went to the grocery store and asked if anyone needed anything
I was frying chicken and offered the first/best pieces out the oil to them
I changed the oil to my own car
I used a smoker in the backyard to make brisket
I grill and smoke in the backyard and needed a piece of wood cut into a certain way to hold something up. I cut and nailed some wood together in the garage.
Feels like I can’t even exist while she is here
FINAL EDIT- I tend to see the good and best in people. So I was not seeing him as being very insecure and was trying to look at this in a more positive light. But he just texted me and said that I greet his gf in too kind of a way and it’s annoying that I say “be safe” when she leaves the house(I say this to him and everyone when they they tell me they are going somewhere). He sent me a long text detailing it’s bad that I look her in the eyes when she is talking to me??? Maybe it is time for a new roommate
Reddit sided with OP pretty much universally. And while I think OP might be technically right, he’s an ass for not realizing the problem and backing off.
“Lol, NTA, if another guy mowing the lawn and cooking is enough to make him insecure, he’s probably not doing anything useful himself,” wrote one Redditor.
Another person said, “NTA – From South Louisiana here. You didn’t do anything wrong. You were being polite. Your roommate is incredibly insecure.”
People really doubled down on the insecurity thing: “Your roommate is just wildly insecure. You did nothing wrong. You sound like a gracious host, and a very generous person.”
But another user DID catch the oddness of the certain type of cheesecake: “the one thing I did side eye a little bit is him heading that the girlfriend likes a particular kind of cheesecake and making it for her. everything else is very much in the line of “regular kindness” but that one feels a bit more “I did this especially for you”.”
In an update, OP let people know that he tried to view his roommate through more gracious eyes, but Reddit basically showed him that his roommate was a jerk. Again, I think … OP is a little bit off here.
I do realize that he is not from the south. I was told by others in school that women outside the south don’t enjoy being called “ma’am.” however, I’ve never seen a lady get angry if I did call her ma’am up here. I call women of all ages “dear” or “darling” and I could see how that could be seen as flirtatious even though it’s just part of how I speak.
OP excuses his behavior again with the “I’m southern” line and has even gone so far as to show the girlfriend screenshots of this guy’s conversations. God, what an overstep.
Now that he knows I have seen him in his “true form” he doesn’t even try to act the way he did before. I sent his gf screenshots of the texts he’s sent and told her the things he’s said. I’m not sure if she is leaving or staying but I’ve let her know and told her to let me know if she needs any help. I don’t plan on moving any time soon as I enjoy having room for a grill and smoker and a garage.
All’s well that ends well, I guess: the roommate is planning to move out.
He told me he’s looking for new places to live and will potentially go back to his parents. I make enough working at a restaurant to afford the rent alone. I would like more going into savings but I’m not worried financially for the time being.
