Former White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer debuted with a dance from the Spice Girls on Dancing with the Stars Monday night. The event has been anticipated with horror for some time, and it still surpassed everyone’s nightmares.
I’m sorry, I just don’t see how it’s worth it. pic.twitter.com/ZkRyPU7uWp— Yashar Ali 🐘 (@yashar) September 17, 2019
There was considerable controversy over giving Spicer a place on the show to begin with. For one, Dancing with the Stars is a goofy program that people turn to escape the growing dystopia of our country, and the great orange overlord who is tweeting all over it. Spicer was Trump’s right-hand liar, and he happily backed up Trump’s claims that his inauguration was the biggest ever and that people voted illegally so Hillary Clinton could win the popular election.
In the end, Spicer’s nerve broke and he ran into the bushes one too many times. Sarah Huckabee Sanders then stood at the Wall of Lies, defending Trump’s delusions from all on comers. Now it’s another woman, Stephanie Grisham softening the face of the empire. Spicer’s watch is ended.
If there was any justice, he would now have to go live in a ditch, but instead he was offered over a hundred thousand dollars to shake his rhythmless flat ass on stage. Can you imagine if they put Goebbels on Germany’s Got Talent, or something? It’s outrageous and it’s only getting worse, because Spicer has a new tactic.
After totally eating sh*t, he retweeted support from Governor Mike Huckabee, and name-checked Jesus Christ, implying that people will want to see him succeed on the show if they’re honoring their Lord and Savior.
Thank you @GovMikeHuckabee Clearly the judges aren’t going to be with me. Let’s send a message to #Hollywood that those of us who stand for #Christ won’t be discounted. May God bless you https://t.co/Qqa9xi3pIM— Sean Spicer (@seanspicer) September 17, 2019
“Thank you @GovMikeHuckabee,” he wrote. “Clearly the judges aren’t going to be with me. Let’s send a message to
#Hollywood that those of us who stand for #Christ won’t be discounted. May God bless you.”
Why does Spicer think the judges won’t be with him? Probably because they told him stuff like it seemed as though he was “being attacked by a swarm of wasps,” and was “off-beat most of the dance.”
As in White House, Spicer ends up looking foolish and on his knees. pic.twitter.com/MPKzaznZDp— Claude Taylor (@TrueFactsStated) September 17, 2019
His team did come out ahead of Lamar Odom by one point. Do you think those two will be hanging out together?
He is correct that the judges are not on his side. Host Tom Bergeron wrote a long message to his Twitter followers about how he asked producers to not tap anyone political for this season, but was ignored:
Some thoughts about today pic.twitter.com/aCQ4SHrGCI— Tom Bergeron (@Tom_Bergeron) August 21, 2019
At least Spicer is bringing everyone together. To dunk on him:
It’s possible Jesus has not taken the wheel here. pic.twitter.com/NPc20u3ZMB
— Molly Jong-Fast (@MollyJongFast) September 17, 2019
My opinoon on Sean Spicer...— Tony Posnanski (@tonyposnanski) September 17, 2019
He can eat a pile of shit and fuck himself in whatever he wears because he is a horrible human.
And Jesus did say on the Mountain, "Go Sean Spicer, parade around the DWTS stage like a horny peacock on speedballs. Let your love for me shine bright in the most yellow feathered shirt you find. Then you will know me and I will pretend to not know you. It's for the better."— Jeremy Newberger (@jeremynewberger) September 17, 2019
My favorite Black Mirror is Sean Spicer on Dancing with the Stars— go to votesaveamerica.com/fairfight (@jonlovett) September 17, 2019
In case you're wondering, Sean Spicer did ruin Spice Girls forever last night, in addition to whatever this is. pic.twitter.com/6vcafBfx8i— cjoanporter (@cjoanporter) September 17, 2019
But the real joke is on all of us:
Sean Spicer got paid 6 figures for this. He's also a Harvard Kennedy fellow. He also got a book deal. He was also laughing it up at a DC party for journalists the day before the White House Correspondents Dinner. All will fail up. It's how this town works. https://t.co/ZRgbGe4Cvc— Wajahat Ali (@WajahatAli) September 17, 2019