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Sean Spicer’s Entire Dancing With the Stars Strategy Is Embarrassing For Us All

Former White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer debuted with a dance from the Spice Girls on Dancing with the Stars Monday night. The event has been anticipated with horror for some time, and it still surpassed everyone’s nightmares.

There was considerable controversy over giving Spicer a place on the show to begin with. For one, Dancing with the Stars is a goofy program that people turn to escape the growing dystopia of our country, and the great orange overlord who is tweeting all over it. Spicer was Trump’s right-hand liar, and he happily backed up Trump’s claims that his inauguration was the biggest ever and that people voted illegally so Hillary Clinton could win the popular election.

In the end, Spicer’s nerve broke and he ran into the bushes one too many times. Sarah Huckabee Sanders then stood at the Wall of Lies, defending Trump’s delusions from all on comers. Now it’s another woman, Stephanie Grisham softening the face of the empire. Spicer’s watch is ended.

If there was any justice, he would now have to go live in a ditch, but instead he was offered over a hundred thousand dollars to shake his rhythmless flat ass on stage. Can you imagine if they put Goebbels on Germany’s Got Talent, or something? It’s outrageous and it’s only getting worse, because Spicer has a new tactic.

After totally eating sh*t, he retweeted support from Governor Mike Huckabee, and name-checked Jesus Christ, implying that people will want to see him succeed on the show if they’re honoring their Lord and Savior.

“Thank you @GovMikeHuckabee,” he wrote. “Clearly the judges aren’t going to be with me. Let’s send a message to #Hollywood that those of us who stand for #Christ won’t be discounted. May God bless you.”

Why does Spicer think the judges won’t be with him? Probably because they told him stuff like it seemed as though he was “being attacked by a swarm of wasps,” and was “off-beat most of the dance.”

His team did come out ahead of Lamar Odom by one point. Do you think those two will be hanging out together?

He is correct that the judges are not on his side. Host Tom Bergeron wrote a long message to his Twitter followers about how he asked producers to not tap anyone political for this season, but was ignored:

At least Spicer is bringing everyone together. To dunk on him:

 

But the real joke is on all of us:

Jesus. Christ.