Having a miscarriage is one of the most brutal things that can happen. The grief can last for a long time, and you also struggle with being around other people who are having healthy pregnancies. It can feel very unfair. You question if you’re broken. And your hormones are all over the place. It’s important to have support and healing and do things that make you happy.
One Redditor’s sister recently had a miscarriage, and the whole family tried to make her feel better by throwing a party where everyone could get drunk. Well, except the OP because she just found out she is pregnant. Apparently this family really does drink a lot, because the OP not imbibing set off alarm bells and everyone immediately guessed she was pregnant. The revelation, of course, was not going to make her sister happy, and now there is a lot of drama.
“My name is Kayla and I’m 22f. My sister, Lia whose 25, unexpectedly had a miscarriage a week ago. I felt especially guilty because I recently had found out I was pregnant as well, but had opted to wait to tell anyone. I felt guilty, so I elected to keep quiet about it for as long as I could, as I didn’t want to take any attention away from her grief or cause her any pain. This became a problem when my family arranged a little get together at her place to help her feel better, where alcohol was to be involved.”
“The night was going fine, and my sister really seemed to be smiling and enjoying herself. I was staying away from the beer and vodka, kinda shutting down the strange looks from my family/friends, who know I almost never turn down the opportunity to drink. Most were believing my lies except my sisters friend, Ash, who came up to me and asked ‘Are you pregnant or something? Why aren’t you drinking?'”
“I laughed and said I had to watch out for my health and, trying to change the subject. My sister saw us talking however, and came up with a shot in her hand. She basically said that she was really glad I was here and wanted to take a shot with me. I had a feeling that Ash had told her I wasn’t drinking and had come to confirm her suspicions…I turned her down and said that I was just happy to be in the moment with her. Lia got this teary look on her face and kinda eyed my stomach. She set the drink down and asked me slowly if I was pregnant and trying to hide it.”
“I froze in the moment, which must’ve basically confirmed what she was suspecting. She burst into tears and asked again, much louder this time which caused most of the people in her apartment to look at us. She told me to either drink the shot or tell her the truth. I wasn’t sure what to do so I opted to just tell her the truth. I tried to tell her that I didn’t really want to take any attention away from her pain but she wasn’t listening. She started accusing me of coming to her apartment to ‘boast about my pregnancy’ and how I always got what I wanted. She also said that shouldn’t have come to the party knowing that I couldn’t drink and that I obviously knew that people were going to know I was pregnant. Basically going on about how I was attention seeking. At this point our dad stepped in to calm her down cause she was belligerent at this point. At that point me and my boyfriend decided it was better for us to just leave. I even got a few quiet ‘congrats,’ which I felt awful about.”
“She’s not really talking to me right now, which I kind of understand but at the same time all I really wanted was to be there for her? People are more so leaning in her side because she’s going through a hard time right now but I feel like I’m not being listened to. My mom told me that she understands but that it was wrong of me to come knowing I was pregnant.”
Sounds like this family needs to get together and talk about their grief going forward.