Job hunting is the actual worst. And so many of the listings you read these days require so much from the applicants that it makes your brain hurt. Even “entry-level” jobs often ask for minimum three years of experience and proficiency in way too many programs, while retail gigs are over here making you take hour-long personality tests.
But Kimberly Harrington may have found one of the most insanely intense job postings of all times.
“I…challenge you to find ANYTHING more bananas bat shit than THIS,” she tweeted alongside a screenshot. “I DARE YOU.”
Look I know what day it is and where I’m posting this but I still challenge you to find ANYTHING more bananas bat shit than THIS. I DARE YOU pic.twitter.com/2HN7fYbtq7— Kimberly Harrington (@honeystaysuper) January 23, 2020
“Seeking Household Manager/Cook/Nanny” already kicks off some small alarm bells. Any job descriptions that include multiple titles are most likely going to be asking far too much for one person.
Immediately, the listing says they are looking for a five-term commitment, before launching into a Moby Dick-length list of responsibilities the Household Manager/Cook/Nanny will be expected to take on.
Most of the work seems to revolve around planning every minute detail of vacations for this family, which Mom specifies includes twin 10-year-olds the new hire will essentially be raising.
But whoever gets this job will also be handling…everything. Literally everything in the house. It’s overwhelming just reading this.
One of the best/scariest things about this listing is how detailed it gets.
“Follow directions in recipes and use good judgment for substitutions,” reads one of the requirements re: cooking.
“Has room in their heart to love the kids and the mom.”
There’s more: pic.twitter.com/5VO0GGu1AP— Kimberly Harrington (@honeystaysuper) January 23, 2020
Unsurprisingly, Twitter had a LOT of thoughts about every part of this lengthy request.
How is this not already a Hallmark holiday movie? The mom CEO (Christine Baranski, obvs) relaxes & the new house manager (80s Meg Ryan) is secretly a witch who also owns a thriving holiday ornament gift shop in a quaint little town in Connecticut. Are the Olsen twins moms yet?— Irritated Biscuit (@chisherman) January 24, 2020
AND be certified lifeguard, fluent in Spanish and/or French, oversee the gardener, vegan chef... etc.— Pamela Keogh (@PamelaKeogh) January 23, 2020
Very first thing I thought.— April is at Sundance (@ReignOfApril) January 23, 2020
Important for when the revolution comes— bird of peace (@libraryluna) January 24, 2020
The leaves turn brown— Sarcasm & Cookies (@DoYourDrafts) January 23, 2020
Like vegan dairy options
You need four whole trout
Some dude is copying-pasting this into his Tinder “What I am looking for”— Mary M (@TheGreatDefect) January 23, 2020
Though some are convinced mom didn’t write this on her own.
Ha thank you for putting that into words... It was bothering me that this person who wants to do nothing would sit down and write this long, meticulous list. Asking them to love the mom tho... maybe CEO mom did write it?— Radical Common Sense (@new_dinosaur_md) January 24, 2020
While others don’t think it’s that crazy to ask for all these things.
Some people have entirely too much money and privilege.— mellow (@afacelessnurse) January 24, 2020
As a nanny with 15 years NYC experience and a mom myself, I'd jump on the opportunity to work for that family. Seriously. She's clear in her expectations & focused on raising healthy kids in a balanced, loving home. High pay + full benefits. Dream job as far as childcare goes.— Zora (@ZoraCrimson) January 23, 2020
But many were ready to point out all this ridiculousness is just what tends to be expected of mothers these days, with no pay and often very little thanks.
Except most mothers don't have au pairs, gardeners, and housekeepers!— Amy Gibson (@amyfgibsonsd) January 24, 2020
(the skiing/swimming/hiking/athletic part got me... Like, plan the vacations and be the "fun athletic parent" with the kids on vacations so the mom can travel along but chill somewhere without the kids? And do all that on top of normal work hours? That's a whole job right there.)— Renee (@paix120) January 23, 2020
Of course, that still doesn’t mean this listing is reasonable.
(1) is absolutely what stood out to me too.— Alan Cole (@AlanMCole) January 23, 2020
If you're concerned about optimizing miles to save a couple thousand bucks here or there, that's a strong signal that you aren't able to afford the quality of labor desired here.
I'm loving the spirit of this tweet. Hee hee.https://t.co/cpnTpNuAyU— Shifty Disloyal Octopus 🐙 (@hipriestesskang) January 23, 2020
But one thing stood out above all else.
I think there must have been a Not Enough Fish Incident somewhere in the backstory— Linus Banghart-Linn (@linusrichard) January 23, 2020
HOW MANY FISH DO WE NEED BRAYDEN. HOW MANY FISH— Dr Sarah (@SezClom) January 23, 2020