Once upon a time, we had Emily Post to remind us of wedding etiquette. And then we had Miss Manners.

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Now we have…

Reddit.

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But okay, gang, here we are and it’s Reddit’s AITA sub telling us what to do with our wedding gifts. Redditor u/ElevenRecompense had to ask the sub (because, I guess, his or her Google broke and they couldn’t look up the proper social mores on their own) if they would be the jerk for asking a friend to “return the expensive wedding gift” post-breakup.

Our poster explains that this friend ended things with her fiancé a month before the wedding. Apparently her friend caught the guy cheating.

About three weeks ago, my friend broke up with her fiancé a month before their wedding (would have been this weekend). She found him fooling around with another girl and called off the wedding. It’s a huge mess and I feel awful for her. It truly is a devastating time for her and I’ve been as supportive as possible through it all.

OP has been there for her pal through all of this — they’ve been close for a long time. The wedding gift was a really fancy, really expensive chair.

She has been one of my closest friends for the past 15ish years and she is basically a sister to me. Because of this, when I found out they were engaged at the beginning of the year, I wanted to give her a truly special wedding gift. She has always been into interior designing and has wanted an Eames lounge chair for a long time. I found one for $4500, which was a good deal, so I got it for her.

The chair was within OP’s ability to purchase, but it was still a lot. The friend was incredibly thankful for the really nice present. But now the wedding is off, so… what’s OP to do?

Im fortunate to be able to afford this, but it’s still quite a lot. She was ugly crying when I told her about it and she was extremely grateful for it. However, now that the wedding is called off, I’m not sure what to do. I could still use that money if I were to get it back…

Concerned with the chair, OP isn’t sure if she should ask for it back. She doesn’t want to add to this poor woman’s suffering at all and if OP never sees the money again she’s fine.

Is it rude to ask for her to return it or at least pay me back for the chair? I feel like I would be such an asshole for doing so, but some other friends (who aren’t close to her) said she absolutely should at least return it so I can get my money back. She’s going through a lot now, so I don’t want to press her too much and honestly if I never see the money again, that’s fine. But still, $4500 is a good amount of change that I would be happy to have if possible.

OP also explains that the return timeframe is 90 days, so she only has about a month to get the chair back.

Edit: thanks for all the replies so far. I realized I left out a very important detail which is the time frame to return the chair is 90 days, so that’s why I’m asking this question now. I bought the chair in mid September, so that to return and get the full refund is coming up in about a month.

To address some other comments, you all are right about asking about just asking her for money, which is dumb and I will not do that. The big reason why I even asked the question was due to my conversation with other friends who said she should return it.

She ultimately decided to not do anything and let this friend just keep the damn chair. Phew.

Ultimately, I will not ask her to do anything and she can keep the chair, no problem. If she does get married again tho… maybe I’ll just buy her some nice chocolate then lol. Thanks everyone!

God. I personally subscribe to the idea that once a gift is given, it’s gone. You ARE supposed to return gifts you haven’t used if the wedding is called off, but I can’t imagine asking a friend to do that. The loss of a marriage, a relationship, is hard enough.

Here’s what Reddit offered:

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*First Published: November 15, 2023, 3:09 pm