When it comes to giving birth, it’s so important to give control to the mother-to-be. She’s been lugging around an increasingly uncomfortable weight for months, and her hormones are fluctuating so wildly she doesn’t understand her reactions to certain things. In short — pregnancy can make you kind of cranky. But that’s no excuse to treat your partner like garbage.
One Redditor says his wife is planning to give birth, but she has one request: that he does not stay in the delivery room while the birth is happening. Her reason? Some weird sexist crap.
“I, 28M, have been with the love of my life, Emily, 26F, for 7 years, married for 2. We have always talked about having kids, and I’ve always wanted to be there when they were born. When my dad was still alive, he used to tell me and my siblings all the time about how it literally brought him to tears (NOT a man who cries btw), and he would say he was so grateful for all of us and for the experience. My beautiful and amazing wife is 8 months pregnant. It’s been a pretty difficult pregnancy for her, well for us, but especially to her. She’s had a few miscarriages in the past, and I’ve just been praying to God for both of them to make it through safely.”
“We were talking more and more about what’s going to happen when she goes into labor, and she’s very adamant that I not be in the room, natural or C, no matter what. I’ve tried convincing, pleading, begging, but she won’t change her mind. Her mom is going to be with her, and I understand that she needs her mom, and that she needs to do whatever to make sure that everything goes smoothly. I don’t wanna stress her out too much because I keep telling myself all that matters is that they’re both healthy, but I’m honestly really sad about not being able to be there for my son’s birth.”
“It’s not about me. I know that. All that matters is that they’re both healthy. I’ve been trying to come to terms and understand this on my own time, so as not to bother her, but Emily’s just being so condescending to me, and I know that she’s just stressed out and scared, so she doesn’t mean it, but I feel like I deserve to process this at least for a few days. I still do everything as I’ve done before, but she says that now I have this ‘beaten puppy dog’ look on my face, and it’s ‘pissing her off.’ Then, she started scolding me asking me why it mattered so much to me, and if I was going to act this weak in front of our son. She told me I needed to just be a f*cking man and ‘get the f*ck over it.’ I feel like crying, but I don’t want her to know, and get mad at me again, so I told her I was going out to get groceries, and am writing this in the car to try and calm myself down. I love her so much, but what she said really hit me hard. I just want them both to be healthy and safe, but I also wanted to be there.”
HORMONES WILL MAKE A PREGNANT WOMAN SAY TERRIBLE THINGS. And this woman has gone through lots of reproductive trauma. But, it’s really uncool that there’s some sexist logic running through her request.
“I thought OP was handling it like a champ. He’s allowed to have his own feelings about this decision and to be sad about it! In the end of the day it really is up to the person who is having the medical procedure who is there, but knowing you’re not going to be there for your wife and your child is heartbreaking. He’s not denying it’s her right to decide that, but she’s being down right cruel. Marriage don’t survive this level of casual cruelty and I hope OP comes to realize he deserves to be treated so much better.” —
HauntedPickleJar
“In the first half I was stuck between n t an and y t a but the part you quoted made me cringe. She’s having a troublesome pregnancy, we get it. It’s also okay to want her mom and not her husband in the delivery room. But neither of that is an excuse to be unnecessarily mean and condescending to her husband. If she’s always been this way, dismissing his feelings and telling him to ‘get over it’ and ‘be a man’ then how is she going to treat him once the baby is born and (heaven forbid) she has post-partum depression?” —
Goddess-Ylvia
“Yeah, the way she talked to you was horribly sexist and mean. I truly hope she doesn’t raise your son with the notion that he needs to ‘be a fucking man’. Or to ever imply he shouldn’t cry or have feelings or express himself. This worries me for the future generation. I thought we had progressed and were raising sons to be better with all that we know now. It’s devastating to think this unborn child could fall victim to the same patriarchal bullshit that drives up male suicide and lack of connection/meaningful friendships. Your wife needs to check herself and you should most definitely take the lead in showing your son how to ‘be a man’. Which should just entail being a good person, experiencing your full range of emotions, and communicating effectively.” —
Electronic-War-244
“I was going to go N A H until she started being incredibly sexist over it. Sorry but men absolutely have feelings and should be comfortable sharing them. Nta. You’re absolutely allowed to be heartbroken over how she’s treating you. I hope it gets better and that y’all can have a conversation because that’s not healthy at all.” —
eirwen29
