Even if you don’t work in an actual office, in a world where so many workplaces are global franchises, there’s a good chance you’re dealing with corporate nonsense at some point or another.
And it’s as grating as every movie denouncing office culture makes it out to be. More than that, it’s all kind of the same. Whatever mass brainwashing came over corporate drones to make them all start shooting out the same buzzwords as one another in everything from job listings to office meetings to random chats when they come out to see how things are going is a pox on society.
And oh-so-tiresome, at that — especially the ones that manage to be both overused and ultimately meaningless.
Undoubtedly looking for commiseration, a Redditor recently asked others to share the “corporate buzzwords/phrases [that] make your skin crawl,” and although there are enough accurate, relatable responses to fill an entire dictionary, these are some of the most egregious.
Higher-ups, take note.
1.
We’re a family here.
morphinemso4
2.
Fast paced environment.
llcucf80
3.
In these unprecedented times.
NFRNL13
4.
I can’t stand “team player” and “touch base with __”.
Substantial_Leg_127
5.
“Wear many hats.” Aka do your job and other people’s jobs as well.
throwaway28236
6.
“We work hard but we play hard.” You hear that, and it’s time to nope right the fuck out of there.
VictorBlimpmuscle
7.
Piggyback…as in “Great point, Fred. I’d like to piggy back on what you said with some more irrelevant information.”
Specialist-End6262
8.
Using “sustainability” like it is some newfound concept. Bonus points for using it incorrectly.
FYLBingB0ng
9.
“Rightsizing” It means they’re going to fire a bunch of people and dump all that extra work on those who remain.
Coogles
10.
Recently had an all staff meeting, and you could have made a drinking game out of how many times “pivot” was said.
denisturtle
11.
A lot of the time “diversity” itself is code for “we want to sound like we’re doing good things, but not actually have to put a ton of effort into it.”
pointe4Jesus
12.
I tell people all the time if they want a “rockstar employee” that’s fine but the deal is rockstar employees get rockstar paychecks.
SanctuaryMoon
13.
I will strangle the life out of the next person who says “record profits”, especially when followed with “but no raises will be given.”
Badjib
14.
Don’t forget this nugget, which I saw on a job posting last week, “Exhibiting courage in the face of ambiguity” Pretty sure that’s code for “You won’t know what to do and will have to figure it out in the moment. And it might make you question your integrity.”
PrincessJos
15.
Empowered = you actually have no additional power, you just shoulder more blame when things go wrong. Transparent = you tell me everything and I’ll tell you what I need you to know.
shutterspeak
16.
My old boss was like “don’t be afraid to drop a few balls”, then fired me after saying that after 5 years I was “no longer a good fit”. She also told me that I should be empowered to know when to say no, but then always told me that I wasn’t doing enough to help the other members of the team if I said it.
Darwinian_10
17.
“We are looking for a dynamic and enthusiastic team player who is confident and adaptable. Responsibilities include supporting senior leadership and taking responsibility for duties and workloads as assigned. You’ll be a member of an exciting and fast paced team working in a challenging environment.” YES BUT WHAT DO I DO?
Electronic_Rub9385
